Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
