dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
