I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
