I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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