i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
