Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
