Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
