I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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