The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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