ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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