I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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