I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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