is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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