I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
