I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
