I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
