If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
