awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
being pregnant is like rehab
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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