I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
