yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
