I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
