so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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