tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
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