About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
