im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
