So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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