Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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