what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
