you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
