She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
