yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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