And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
