omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
