so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
