He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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