I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think people are normalizing furries
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
