At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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