He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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