i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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