my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
