I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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