My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
