I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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