On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
pop tarts are not kleenex
i dont even know how to be here
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
