A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
