Your mouth is God's brothel.
I faked an abortion last night.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
