So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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