Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
