it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
operation have a gay friend backfired
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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