do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
