New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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