we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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