Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
