ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
